Happy Fourth of July.

While some people have attempted to redefine patriotism as some malleable term that generally coincides with their political agenda, I would like to say that I am a real patriot.

I want my country to have victory, even if I don't like the current president.

When confronted with the allegation that other countries don't like mine, my first reaction is that they can go piss on a tree.

When confronted with the allegation that other countries don't like mine, my second reaction is to point out that polling people with an ideological and religious opposition to our free-market, non-atheist, non-caliphatism society may tend to piss off commies, post-Christians, and Al Qaeda supporters.

When confronted with the allegation that other countries don't like mine, my third reaction is to confront the allegation by counter demonstrating that, if they hate us, why is everyone trying to get here?

I love baseball, mom, and apple pie (even though, I prefer blueberry and/or key lime).

I get excited for the national anthem at sporting events.

I don't equate our pride in our country with ignorant jingoism because I know that most Americans have a benign acceptance of almost every other culture. We may not take the time to learn your particular po-dunk language, but we assume you are nice people. Other countries may not suck, and some may even have notable positives, but I still would rather visit overseas and live here. not the other way around.

I feel that when America gets involved overseas, we are doing so because we think we are doing the right thing. And dammit, stopping terrorism and communism and other totalitarian thugs is a good thing.

I hate conspiracy theories. America isn't run by a bunch of shady corporations, families, or aliens.

Wealth is created in this country. The pie gets bigger, my slice does not infringe on the size of your slice.

I love the great outdoors, I can build a campfire and steer a canoe. I try not to litter and to respect mother nature. I still know, based on my understanding of actual science, that the man-made-global warming is a hoax. Green is the new red, dontcha know?

Finally, in lieu of fireworks, how about so good old commie jokes:

The Soviet Ministry of Education is concerned that students are failing to acquire the skills they will need in the 21st century. So it's decided to upgrade the language curriculum to ensure fluency in the languages of tomorrow: English and Hebrew for those planning to leave - Chinese for those planning to stay.

The express train is running from Warsaw to Legnica (site of a big Soviet Airforce Base in the communist years) when it suddenly jumps the tracks and runs off into the woods. After a while going through the woods, it returns to the tracks and somehow gets back on. The conductor goes up to the engineer and says, "What are you, nuts? Running off into the woods like that." The engineer replies, "There was a Russian general standing on the tracks." The conductor berates him, "Then why didn't you just run the #%$$^%$ over?" to which the engineer replies, "That's just it, he ran into the woods."

Edward Gierek, first secretary of the Party from 1970 to 1980, goes down to Silesia to visit the miners and see how they live. He goes up to one block of flats, and goes to the door of one on the ground floor.It's open, so he enters and finds that it's furnished very luxuriously: color TV, refrigerator, plush sofas, and a little boy is sitting on the couch. Gierek says to him, "Son, do you know who I am?" The little boy shakes his head no, looking scared. Gierek spreads his arms and says, "Son, thanks to me, you have all this!" The little boy's face brightens and calls out to his parents in the next room, "Mommy, daddy, Uncle Hans from West Germany is here!"

Stalin was having a meeting in his office with the Central Committee one afternoon. After they all left, he realized that his pipe was missing. He called Beria and told him to question every member of the Committee about his pipe. The next day, Stalin found his pipe and called Beria to tell him to stop the questioning. Upon hearing this, Beria answered, "I am sorry Comrade Stalin but half of the Committee already admitted to taking the pipe, and the other half died during questioning."